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Entwurf für Zine #2 – Cis-boy in a female body

9. Oktober 2011

We submittet this to the fabulous Orange Octopus gender zine


Cis-boy in a female body

Hey! I’m Tobi. I’m 15 years old. I’ve got a couple of brothers who are a lot like me and then a lot of headmates who are mostly a lot different from me. I live in a multiple system and we share a body, who is female. At least we always think of the body that way, even if Medi recently read that strictly speaking a body doesn’t necessarily have a sex of its own. But that is too complicated for me to explain right now and I don’t find it as interesting as some of my headmates.

I see and feel that this body is very different from my own – height, weight, stature, length of fingers and feet, face, eyes, hair, colours – everything is different. Me and the outer body are not more alike than any two randomly picked people. And, as I said, I’m a boy. I have my own body in our headspace. I call it my inner body. It feels real to me. But you couldn’t see it. When I first tried to occupy the „real“ body, the outside body, it felt weird. But it also felt good in a way. It felt reassuring because at that time I had difficulties with my inner body and didn’t like it much. So being in the outside body was a good thing for me and it calmed me down and now I feel much better. It’s a bit funny, because for many of us it feels safer not to feel the outside body and for most of our boys and men it feels weird and annoying that the outside body is so „girly“. Well, it can also be weird and annoying for people with inner bodies that are shorter or taller or in some other way significally different from the outside body if they front (that means if they come out into the outside body. Or something. I’m not good at explaining, I guess). But it can also be great fun! Nico, who is 4 years old, sometimes likes to be tall and regarded as an adult – but he isn’t very good at keeping a straight face 😛

Serious men, however, don’t like to front if they can avoid it – which they can. They lurk in the background and occasionally look over the shoulder of other people fronting. Actually, Emmy, who is Fat and Proud! doesn’t front anymore, either. I’m not sure if that’s because of the differences between their bodies and the outer body, though. Possibly not.

Some people don’t like the way their voice comes out (it’s so high) when they speak to the outside world. I guess I’m one of them but I try not to mind that too much. It’s not really that important. I’m not a singer, after all, like Nils wants to be. I’m just a cis-boy in a female body 😉

– Tobi of the multiple system Meeresbande

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