Meeresbande Zine #2, S. 36 – The core of the depression
I have no energy left now. I am empty. Drained of everything…“
Leona: Then maybe it is time for you to „die“ and then rise again like Phoenix from the ashes?
„I don’t think…
I don’t know…
You mean, that’s possible?“
Leona: I think it is. We can try together.
„But what if you get hurt? I don’t want you to get hurt!!! Or any of the others!“
Leona: OK, how about this: We imagine ourselves a safe place for you to transform. A place where it wouldn’t hurt me if anything went wrong. What do you think?
„I still don’t know. All the stuff I bottled up. It will want to come out, won’t it?“
Leona: That’s very likely. But stuff like that has never hurt me before. I also think that it is likely that it won’t come out all at once in one great, destructive explosion. Maybe it will be a bit more gentle then that.
„Really? Is that possible? I never knew it was possible. They told me it would kill me and all of us.“
Leona: Yes, they „told“ you that. They lied.
It will not kill anyone, neither you nor me nor anyone else. I promise. It is different now. You, me, we – we’re safe now. They can’t hurt us anymore. And our soul will not self-destruct.
„Self-destruct, that sounds almost funny. You sure it won’t?“
Leona: Yes, I am.
„So they lied to me, did they? They probably didn’t even know any better. But I’m still not sure it won’t kill me. I sort of don’t want to die, now. I mean… I would rather not die, if possible. I’d rather stay the way I am. Sorry…“
Leona: Hey… hey, it’s OK. You don’t have to die. Do you think we could do it in small steps?
„I don’t know. I want to help you become happy. Or at least a bit less burdened… that sounds so sad… I am sorry for you. That you have to carry all this weight, live with all the pain and the old wounds and the old burdens… You didn’t do anything wrong. You are pure. You do not deserve to suffer, you don’t deserve ANY hardship at all…“
Leona: But neither do you! Don’t you see? You are just as innocent as I am. You were just as innocent and pure as I was back then. You don’t deserve hardship or pain or burdens any more than I do! In fact, since you carried it for me for so long, you deserve to be free of it even more than I do.