Meeresbande Zine #2, S. 53 – No pause, no break, no end
This text has also been published in the wonderful, political disAbility Zine “Don’t Dis My Ability!”
We are suffering from a psychological disability: complex post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression. Due to severe, early and long-lasting repeated trauma (we’ve been raped, beaten, emotionally neglected and brainwashed from birth to young adulthood) we had to split up into many different personalities so that now we’re living with many different people – we like to call each other headmates – in one body. It’s called multiplicity, sometimes diagnosed as „Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)“ or „Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD)“.
We’re a diverse bunch of people of all genders (the outer body is female) and different races, mostly children and teenagers but also a few adults. Because of that and also because we were already interested in gender and queer issues and also intersectionality (like race and gender) before we realized we are many people, we feel like wanting to be more active in that scene. We’d like to one day start a discussion about multiplicity in (gender-)queer scenes and also in political movements that fight against discrimination, exploitation and social and political hierarchies. We also feel like we are somehow obliged to do that because if we don’t, maybe no-one ever will. Multiplicity isn’t so rare as many people think it is, but it’s still rare enough and also really really hard to talk about with singlets (non-multiple people). Which is why we haven’t done it openly yet. We’re making baby steps in that direction.
But apart from the fact that it’s hard to talk about it, suffering from PTSD (not the multiplicity per se) makes it hard for us to be active in any kind of activism. It is very important to us and we are very interested in a wide range of topics, so not being able to do much is really hard to bear. The world really needs people to take action, right now. And we want to be those people.
But there is something that seems to be a part of the way in which we remember and work with our traumas. Often, we would remember one traumatic situation, work until we can somehow understand and bear it and free the inner person who had gone through it from the belief and experience of still being stuck in it.